I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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