Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
