Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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