what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
