He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
