I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
