Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
