he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Randomize
