Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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