1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
