Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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