If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
