My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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