Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
