That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
