meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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