well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
