then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
