Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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