I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
