Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
