im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Randomize
