You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
