He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
