im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
