He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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