bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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