Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
