You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
