She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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