Just fell off a train. Bad.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
