So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
