i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Randomize
