I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
