Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
