worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
