Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
