so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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