fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
