I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
