Sponge bath it is.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
