Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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