Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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