my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize