just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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