I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
