I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
