So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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