Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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