did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
