my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
