yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
