took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
